From: cultxprt@indirect.com (Jeff Jacobsen)
Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
Subject: Christianity now copyrighted
Date: 4 Sep 1994 05:56:40 GMT
Message-ID: <34bnio$b9n@herald.indirect.com>

   I have formed a new church called Church of the Government Protected 
Word.  This is THE Christian Church now.  There will be no squirreling of 
the tech any longer.  The Bible is copyrighted.  Anyone observing 
Christmas must pay us a royalty fee.  As a sign of our humility, Easter 
may be observed for free.  
   The following words are now copywritten and may not be used by any 
religious or philosophical group without the express written permission 
of CGPW (and don't hold your breath waiting for that letter):

Christian
Christianity
Bible
Hell
Heaven
New Testament
devil
angels
God
Lord
OYOTETSUGAKU
Armageddon
Calgary
Golgotha
cross
Holy Ghost 
Holy Spirit
Father
Son
Trinity
(for a complete list email me, with a $5 donation)

   Every utterance I have ever made from birth on, and every word I have 
ever written, is copyrighted to the church.  I have sold this material, 
valued conservatively at $75,000,000, to the church for a paltry 
$25,000,000, and have taken the $50,000,000 as a donation tax write off.
   Any use or utterance of the church's copyrighted material will incur 
your visiting an employee of the US Government (a judge), who will use 
the powers of the state to force you to either worship as we see fit or 
go find yourself another religion.
   Anyone studying the church's copyrighted material outside the church's 
membership will also be brought before an employee of the US Government 
and be forced to bow before me or find another religion.
   Thank you, and may God(tm) bless you.