Nov. 25, 2003

Incident 1 was the beginning, Incident 2 was the Xenu Caper, now it has been discovered that Incident 3 is upon us. Several thetans that were supposed to report to the Implant Station on Mars never showed up. It was assumed that it was the usual memory problem in the history tubes, but no. So a quiet search for the missing thetans was begun. Finally, just a few weeks ago, while checking through the sight memory tubes on Glaborsh Orb, inspectors discovered that the missing thetans had been sucked into Black Hole RD-45. This was so disturbing that it was hushed up until the inspectors could try to understand the phenomenon. They could not. Meanwhile, though, a clerk who was helping the inspectors smuggled the information to Council Brain Clamador (may his shell always be shiny). Clamador, never one to keep a secret, swore one of his secret meat body lovers to not tell anyone, then told her everything. Of course, this secret lover has "connections" to the wog world, and this information has finally made it to Teegeack (Earth). No one knows what the consequences of this will be. No one who has gone missing into RD-45 has ever been seen again. The inspectors have not yet discovered how extensive this is (they are still looking through the history tubes), but it appears to be growing, and is so alarming that it has been labeled Incident III. This is true.

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Incident 3 is heating up. The number of thetans getting sucked into black hole RD-45 is growing exponentially.
Now you know, we ALL go to the implant station except I think OT 8's, so this effects almost everyone! And the problem is, Hubbard is gone, so he can't come up with some kind of rundown for this, and Scientology claims the tech is complete (and by extension apparently that history has ended), so they're going to pretend this isn't even happening.
Once Mars found out that Incident 3 has leaked out, there was a massive paranoid response. Anyone in the inspections department (even if they were just sitting in the reception area to have their synapse integrator adjusted) was rounded up and kept in an auditorium. No matter what they were doing or how important it was, there's been a leak! We Must Find the Leaker! So it will probably be a while until we see those beings. It doesn't seem to have entered their minds that Council Brain Clamador (may his shell be impervious to his enemies!) is the most likely source of this leak. Maybe it's because he holds such a high position and they don't want to try to accuse him, or maybe they really don't know.
So here's the deal in a nutshell. Some thetans who should be arriving at the Implant Station on Mars are not. The inspectors have discovered that these thetans are getting sucked into black hole RD-45 and not coming back out. Since no one has come back out, it is not known what is going on here. Scientology can't or won't help with this because they insist the tech is complete and Hubbard is gone. Now, if we don't want to wind up in black hole hell or whatever is going on there, we need to come up with a rundown to proof ourselves up against this problem!
And consider this, this rundown MUST be done before you die! We don't know when we're going to die; maybe as wogs, pre-clears, clears, OT's, whatever. It doesn't matter whether you're on the Bridge or where you are on the Bridge, you MUST have this rundown (OT 8's excluded)! So this must be done BEFORE any Dianetics or Scientology processing.
And please, if you're dead and you find yourself getting sucked into RD-45, do us all a favor and come back to report what's happening!

* * * *
We've got a few projects going to work out a successful rundown to proof up thetans against getting sucked into black hole RD-45 when their meat body dies. Below is one we BELIEVE will work, but no one has tried it in real life yet, since somebody who has done it has to die, get sucked into RD-45, and see what happens. But if you'd like to try this rundown, follow these steps:
1. Dig a hole in your back yard or appropriate place 3 feet in diameter and 2 feet deep.
2. Line the hole with black plastic.
3. Jump into the hole while simultaneously yelling "NO!"
4. Jump out of the hole while yelling "Yes, good!"
5. Continue to EP (End Phenonmenon) or until your legs go into spasms. If your legs go into spasms, repeat the next day to EP.
6. Send Jeff Jacobsen $1000.
The EP of this RD is the automatic aversion to going into a black hole and the happiness of avoiding a black hole. We're sorry we can't guarantee this rundown, so if you die, get sucked into black hole RD-45, and can't get out, we'll give you your money back.

* * * * *

I just heard that a message has come out of RD-45! I don't know how, but I'll just let the message speak for itself:

Your Greatness Council Brain Clamador (may your eyes see everything!),

I bring you tidings from the universe past black hole RD-45! First I want to lighten your worries by telling you that life here is wonderful and so much better than on Teegeeack! We have come here on our own will. I cannot tell you how we learned of this place because, as you will well understand, there are forces that would not want this universe discovered by anyone and would do all they could to prevent us from escaping their horrid eternal Implant Stations. Many of us are Sea Orgers or RPF graduates. I will say that that is the only clue I will give as to how we know about RD-45.
This universe is a parallel universe to the MEST universe. The only difference is that L. Ron Hubbard continued writing science fiction rather than starting Dianetics and Scientology. He wrote the book "Science of the Mind," a fantastic tale about a science fiction writer who starts his own religion and creates incredible havoc. This book became a best seller and even won several awards. Hubbard bought a yacht, and put out one science fiction book per year from then on. None of these books is considered very good, however.
Since Dianetics and Scientology never existed, the lives of countless people are much better here (I will not name this universe, again, because we do not want it discovered how we know about it). People who died at the hands of Scientology in the MEST universe are fine and prospering here. Those whose families were broken apart by Scientology are together and happy. Those who joined the Sea Org and/or were RPFed have good jobs, happy families, and are prosperous.
As you can understand, we prefer this universe. We will protect this universe. And we will make sure that all thetans headed toward the dreaded Implant Stations are given a choice to come here instead. Understand that this will most likely mean the eventual closing of Implant Stations for lack of any thetans to process! You know the consequences of this, and that is why I write only to you. Please prepare for this situation so there will be no turmoil or fighting. We trust you and your abilities in this regard.
We say blessings to you and yours. Should you feel the need to contact us, we have sent a method for doing that seperately. You should feel only happiness for us and trust that all is well here. We look forward to the arrival of many more thetans, and to the closing of the Implant Stations.

Yours,

X

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November 28, 2003

To the 236 people who sent me $1000 each for the Black Hole Rundown; since
it has been shown that it is a GOOD thing to go into Black Hole RD-45, I'll
be refunding your payments as soon as possible.
However, if you would like to do the rundown in reverse; that is, yelling
"Yes, good!" while jumping IN to the hole, and "NO!" while jumping OUT of
the hole; and if this is helpful to you, then you can tell me not to send
a refund, and I will understand.

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